I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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