In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
