Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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