He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
