This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
