apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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