OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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