JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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