I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
