We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
