Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
