Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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