1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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