I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
