i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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