I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need to sanitize my soul.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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