he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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