the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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