Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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