Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Randomize
