I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
