I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
