brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
