whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
