just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
