umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
