Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
