True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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