Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
