Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will be naked everywhere
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
