I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
