new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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