chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
