Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
