Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
