Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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