Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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