I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
