no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
