ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
