you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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