Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
