Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
