I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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