Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize