omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
