i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
