the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
