im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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