I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
