i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
