Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
