this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
