we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize