It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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