she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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