just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
