The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
