she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
operation have a gay friend backfired
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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