Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
