I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize