All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
PANTIES FOUND
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
