Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
