I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
