It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
