Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
