Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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