You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
