Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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