sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We don't watch enough power rangers
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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