It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
