We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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