Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
