he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
