we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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