Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
