I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize