i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
