I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
