Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
