I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
