I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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